i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize