I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
