I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
