ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
