and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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