he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
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And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
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hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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