We won't sleep together?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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