i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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