I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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