do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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