the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We got so high we made milksteak
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I am available for nakedness
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
