'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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