So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
