Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
