He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Randomize
