Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
