I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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