I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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