If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
