just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
