addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
