So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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