THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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