I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
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I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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