I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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