I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
