The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
