Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
