Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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