im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
