Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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