DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
