Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
