My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
