If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
