So drunk, too bad you don't want this
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
