she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
