She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
