Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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