How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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