I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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