He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
