i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I didn't notice because vodka
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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