i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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