$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
