you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
