she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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