Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
no, he came in my armpit
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
