the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
What drink are we having for lunch?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
