He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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