hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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