Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
