Kiss
Puke
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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