that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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