i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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