I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Four minutes until I can fart!
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
