i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
