Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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